The Foremost Problem: What ought I to do?

Now and again, I wonder what continues to drive me to write. I have a very particular problem or, should I say, this problem seems quite particular. This problem seems to be some part existential and some part philosophical. Whilst I’d imagine there to be a great overlap, I’m unable to discern it as of yet. And whilst I have made remarkable progress over the past few years, it has been but towards being able to admit that I’m nowhere close to solving this problem. This reflection might be disenchanting to many, but it had to be stated. 

To those that would indulge me, I hope to make clear this problem. Although, I must refrain from promising that that would be achieved in this particular piece. Moreover, I must ask you to tolerate the discursiveness of this written expression, for I fail to see how this could be done otherwise; or more accurately, how I could do this otherwise.

For, one of my other longstanding problem has been to do with determining a subject matter. Unlike many of my contemporaries, matters of culture, gender, nationality, race, etc. fail to propel me towards the action of writing. Lest you misunderstand me, the aforementioned matters do, indeed, matter and shape my everyday life, albeit varyingly; however, the part of me that insists on being a “writer” seems to be immune to their effect. Besides, I sincerely believe that my contemporaries are better equipped to attend to these subject matters.

Likewise, matters concerning the human subject at a collective level seldom interests me. On the other hand, it is a matter of great displeasure that even at an individual level, the subject matter of interest seems to be me. For eons, the self-obsessive and narcissistic appearance of this interest bothered me, and continues to bother me. However, I solemnly believe that this emphasis on, what might be called, the ego is (a) an avenue for solving the problem for all individuals and (b) my only recourse, if not, my mission. 

This problem turns acute by my impulsion to recognise as a philosopher. A non-philosopher might fare better albeit the problems would, undoubtedly, continue to persist. 

I perceive that the problem has something to do with the relationship between knowledge and action. And whilst I’m impelled to suggest that understanding would be a closer aspect, I remain evenly impelled to evaluate the implication of that thought with this thought, later. 

At a rudimentary level, we can agree that the human being acts as a function of some need; this is seen easily within context of hunger, thirst, sleep, and so on. These needs are “communicated” through one’s sense of introspection. Being hungry is to know that one requires sustenance, generally speaking. Following this “acknowledgement”, a series of behaviours commence in order to respond to that state i.e. hunger. This, however, is a one-dimensional delineation. Hunger is predominantly contingent on the internal configuration. If we were to look at other needs such as the inclination to help the poor, the thirst for professional progress, have children, then it becomes evident that several other discursive factors are in effect.

The aforementioned reduction of human ontology notwithstanding, this landscape illuminates the edges of my problem; a problem that is quite personal. What ought I to do? On one hand, I have a very particular understanding of my personal history and the broader history within which it exists, capabilities and capacities, restrictions and limitations, and affinity and aptitude. On the other hand, I seem to possess a somewhat economical understanding of the “external” world. And this is where the problem premiers. What ought I to do in this world? Notice that this question is prior to the question of ‘what ought I to do for this world?’ The latter presupposes a certain obligation on part of the individual; the former somewhat untethered. Whilst I maintain the ontological priority of the former over the latter, it seems to be otherwise in the world. The object of one’s activity continually entwined with a duty to contribute to the world, by extension, to the other. 

It would be a matter of great displeasure were you to leave with an impression that I’d prefer to abdicate my responsibility to the other. It just seems that I cannot possibly seek to answer the latter before making some progress towards answering the former, ‘What ought I to do?’. Indeed, my concern stems but from the insufficiency of my knowledge. Suppose my worldview is flawed, what then? Suppose I transgress against the very contributions that made my capacity to transgress possible, what then? Suppose as a consequence of my action I impede someone else, what then? Conversely as a function of my trepidation, suppose my inaction were to be the cause of some species of tragedy, what then? 

Isaiah Berlin justly recognized that action precludes certain form of philosophical exploration, inspection, and scrutiny. Individuals have and, in some sense, must take a variety of things for granted in order to act. Berlin maintains that this remains imperative for a society set on moving, figuratively. He makes it clear that certain conditions necessitate philosophical examinations. However, these conditions remain unclear within my personal context. Even now, as I continue assembling this textual staging i.e., the written expression of my discursive and fragmentary introspection, a certain disquiet brews within. Indeed, I have, as it were, said words here. My attempt at being cautious and careful notwithstanding, I have likely committed epistemic heresy somewhere, if not everywhere. This self-reproaching move seems congruous with Peter Roberts’ synthesis; that which Kierkegaard and Freire might see as ‘going down the path of critical education’ (Roberts, 2017, pp.836). This epiphany came as a function of undertaking an Autoethnography. 

On one hand, whilst I remain hesitant regarding the publication of said Autoethnography, the undertaking in itself has proven pivotal towards discovering the epistemic instruments and resources which have made the very recognition of the problem possible. On the other hand, in retrospect, the aforementioned hesitation gets validated by the problem. I’ll attempt. I wrote the Autoethnography to understand a situation or rather grasp myself-within-a-situation. Through my epistemic and philosophical efforts, I began to gradually grasp myself, in effect. In practice, this is how it appeared: I tried encapsulating my sense-experience within propositional architecture. Consequently this architecture developed into an entity, consisting of discursive and disjointed corpus of meaning. This imperfect and unfinished state notwithstanding, this entity was illuminating. Illumination which manifested in various ways, such as clarity of thought, psychological if not emotional resolution, transferability of epistemic skills, to name a few. However, this illumination prompted a revision of the very source that produced itself. Indeed, the circularity of this should be at once noticeable.

Words have been said. Indeed, writing this piece has been cathartic albeit fleeting. This makes me somewhat unsettled, almost weary.

It’s been about a week since this piece first opened. On the one hand, substantial time seems to have passed. The minutes spent writing this have felt heavier than the other minutes. Moreover, to call this activity as mere writing just feels wrong. If a bystander were to label this activity, they would undoubtedly call this writing. And whilst I wouldn’t want to suggest that they were wrong, it would certainly be something of a misalignment. For instance, in a documentary where a lion hunts a deer, our feelings about the matter would be contingent on the subject of said documentary. Invariably, our expectations from documentary shades our eventual experience. Likewise, whilst writing indeed took place, looking at the context, both the intent and the effect, and the conditions and the turmoil, hints that this is something else. Suffice to say that I could call this applied reflection, practical introspection, productive meditation, and so on. On the other hand, the feeling that this time period makes other time periods seem rather hollow is concerning. It doth manifest a curiosity, particularly ‘what did I do different this time’? And how do I ensure that this continues? A decent answer to these questions escapes me. It is at once my doubt and my hope. I might very well be reinventing the epistemic wheel. 

There remains no doubt about the discursive and fragmented nature of my introspection. Whilst its immediate utility might seem a blur, this ritualistic approach remains my sole recourse currently. However, this piece has stirred within other matters and issues; and, at the very least, I take it to be a favourable outcome. Words were said but the question remains, 'What ought I to do'?

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Bibliography

Chandler, Daniel. Semiotics: The Basics. (3rd Edition, 2022). London: Routledge. An accessible introduction to the study of signs and meaning-making. Available at: Semiotics: The Basics on Amazon.

Kierkegaard, Søren. The Sickness Unto Death: A Christian Psychological Exposition for Edification and Awakening. (2021 Edition). Translated by Alastair Hannay. Penguin Classics. A seminal existential work examining despair and selfhood. Available at: The Sickness Unto Death on Amazon.

Magee, Bryan, & Berlin, Isaiah. “Isaiah Berlin in Conversation with Bryan Magee.” YouTube Interview. A conversation exploring pluralism, freedom, and the challenges of philosophical inquiry. Watch here: Isaiah Berlin in Conversation with Bryan Magee.

Roberts, Peter. “Learning to Live with Doubt.” London Review of Education, 15(2), 2017. A reflective analysis on embracing uncertainty in educational and philosophical contexts. Available at: Learning to Live with Doubt.

Smith, Jonathan A. Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis: Theory, Method and Research. (2022 Edition). London: SAGE Publications. A foundational guide to phenomenological methods and understanding lived experiences. Available at: Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis on Amazon.